Today was a confidence run day. The plan was to increase my run break to 5:30 and increase it to 4 intervals. It started raining into my walk warm up and I didn't want to spend 50 minutes in the rain. So I decided to do a continuous run of 2 mile. The longest continuous run in over a year. Confidence days don't come often, in our work life, social life, personal life or exercise life. Take them when they are offered.
We go through our lives with a projectory that we think, is the right path. We exude confidence but in private we question whether it's the right path. Confidence is an illusive concept that can deceive us. Confidence is often more illusion than reality.
Today, I challenged myself. To many, it may not seem like an insurmountable one. But for an old guy who is trying to get back to running consistently, it was important. The run went well. It required me to pace my run, but more importantly trust myself. Trust that I was on the right path. Trust that I could maintain a pace that would allow me to finish feeling confident, not defeated.
My trajectory of recent has been to slowly work up from running a series of run/walk workouts to eventually returning to consistently running. The goal, to run for 3-4 miles without knee/leg pain. I've worked toward that over the past year, post ankle surgery, cautious about the progress. Four minutes of running followed by 5 minutes of walking, repeating it 3 times; increasing the running while decreasing the walking. Enduring the burning pain in my legs in anticipation that it is part of the process of becoming a runner again.
It's been a year long training process. I've been conservative in my approach. Maybe more out of the fear of aging than the reality of what my body can handle. I want to run again. I don't want to be injured again.
In some ways that reality has freed me. I'm not self-pressured to make progress too quickly. As I start a workout, if I don't feel comfortable, I change the workout...I walk instead of run. Where once I would have felt guilty, now I look to the wisdom that this process is to keep me moving for today and for years forward. But is it also preventing quicker progress?
Maybe it's maturity, but making progress requires focus, confidence. When we're younger, we often rush to see progress at the expense of learning. In distance running, consistency is important. Banking miles in the early years benefits the older years. It also enables reflection of training, what works for me what doesn't and making adjustments. Similar in life. Reflecting on what works, what doesn't. Making adjustments.
My younger self would accuse me of not working hard enough, sloughing off in my training. My older, wiser self says this is my current reality and it is okay to back off on a training plan because this is a long term plan for the remainder of my life. But challenging yourself is good. Barriers can be over come. Preparation to over come them is essential.
In a different stage of my life, I probably would have rejected that advice. I had goals, commitments, responsibilities. In hindsight, it would have been good advice. Push yourself, evaluate, re-calculate. I'm lucky, I'm able to evaluate and refocus.
I have grandkids to chase, to elude their "freeze" tag. I have a greater race to not win, but to continue.
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