My Younger Self Verses My Older Self

A text exchange with my trainer inspires this blog. I had gone for a run/walk this morning when my calf tightened up and the run/walk became a walk. I related this to her. We went back and forth in our usual sarcastic dialog about aging, breaking and avoiding both.

Aging is a learning process. Today's effort I thought would continue a series of good run/walks. I had experienced some tightness in my calf, but as a wizened old runner I took a couple of days off and my calf felt better, no pain or soreness. Today's run started out feeling like it would be a nice continuation of my progression. 

But about halfway into my first five minute run I felt my calf tighten. It was only a slight tighten so I continue on but at a slower pace. That worked only for several more meters. I slowed to a walk with the idea I'd walk the 4 miles I had planned on doing. That soon became a DNF as my calf gradually began to get more tight. Thus a defeated mile walk back home.

I'm slowing learning the nuisances of my aging body. My mind and body are not in sync. My mind wants to recover like a younger athlete. My body wants to recover like a soon to be 68 year old. Those are not compatible. 

I need to remember my body needs more time to not only heal, but to get stronger. Patience in training has not been my strength. I know that for my age, I'm in decent condition. But I see other people my age or older in better. 

My goal has always been to run for as long as I'm able. I'm still able, but it is slower and less far than it once was. I've come to realize that movement is what is important to me. Though walking is not my optimal movement, it does provide a level of stimulation I need. 

Swimming and cycling can do the same, but they are not as simplistic and natural as running. Running is play. Watch any child and running is effortless and enjoyable. 

When I first started running, not for fun, but for competition, it wasn't fun, but it was a challenge. I wanted to participate in a sport in high school. Football was not the sport for a skinny and timid kid. Cross country became the option. 

I spent the summer training to be able to run the 3 mile loop from my home around Rainbow Lake and back. I worn ankle weights and Adidas Cross Country shoes. By the time cross country season started I was one of our top 2 runners and finding that I enjoyed the longer runs we did. Thus began my journey of 50+ years of running.

I envy those high school and college days of running. They seem so effortless, but I know they weren't. But I could run through the aches and pains. Today I need to take a break when there are aches or pains. I don't like that. I want to increase my endurance, reduce my weight, but taking days off slows that progress. 

It's frustrating. Just as I feel I'm progressing, a set back. Fucking aging. Be more consistent in your stretching and strength workouts. I know. I'm stubborn. It's not what I trained on. My stubbornness is my weakness. 

I wish my younger self would take over my older self. Until then, I've got to do better. 

 

Looking Back on 2025

I began this year with 3 things: (New Year, New Expectations)

3 things for 2025:

1. As the new OR USATF Youth Committee chair, organize and execute a success 4 day, Jr Olympic Championship meet.

2. Get back to regular, injury free running.

3. Continue to keep those I love, from 3 - 80s, as my purpose.

 As 2025 comes to a close, about 6 weeks left, I'd say I accomplished 1.5 of those things. 

1. As the new OR USATF Youth Committee chair, organize and execute a success 4 day, Jr Olympic Championship meet. I chaired, organized, and executed a successful 4 day USATF Oregon Jr Olympic Championship meet. It left me exhausted and motivated to make it better for 2026. However, the organizational structure made it too frustrating to be able to organize the quality of meet I felt the youth athletes deserved. I resigned about a month ago and am much less stressed about it.

2. Get back to regular, injury free running. Define "regular, injury free running".  This is year 67/52 of "on earth/been running" years. "Injury free" doesn't have the same meaning as it did, 10, 20, 50 years ago. If my feet aren't sore and I can do a 3 mile walk with run breaks with limited aches, that is "injury free". "Regular", I wish my runs were as regular as my bowel movements. But there are days and weeks I don't run. Mysterious aches, swollen feet or ankles, cramps in my calf, gout in my toe flaring up. "Regular" has become, lace up my running shoes, get out the door and move as best you can on that particular day. Some days I feel like the 67 years I am, others I still have the illusion of being the athlete I once was...a much slower one, but still an athlete. The goals of running are ever changing. (The Ever Changing Goals of Running: An Update)

 3. Continue to keep those I love, from 3 - 80s, as my purpose. This one, this one is my north star. But just as following the North Star can be challenging on a cloudy night, following it in my life is challenging. Knowing what is the "right" decision to make for an elderly parent, navigating parenthood with adult children, supporting a spouse transitioning to a new after-career life style, supporting friends when I'm not really good at maintaining those connections. 

Reflecting on this year reminded me of the 2005 Yakima Marathon I ran with my best friend Marky and a mutual running friend from Vancouver, BC affectionately know as Runrick. The course was point-to-point following the Yakima River. The beginning was a flat stretch for about the first 19 miles. Some up and downs, but nothing taxing. Around mile 19 began a long, gradual uphill. It didn't seem intimidating, but after a couple of miles of climbing, it began to take a toll on my legs, lungs and heart rate. Then at around mile 23 the climb crested and it was downhill to the finish. 

That sounds wonderful, but by now my legs felt like logs, my breathing heavy, my heart pounding. The three miles of downhill running was a relief for my breathing and heart, but not my legs. Downhill running on tired legs only beats up those legs even more. My quads were toast by the end.

And I'm comparing this year to that race? Yeah, kinda. You see the race is a reflection of life. It can start easy, with a best friend and you're feeling great. Then life starts to happen. The hills of making decisions you never imagined you'd have to make. Adapting to life with kids with grandkids and kids who are the age you mostly see yourself. Respecting their independence, yet wondering if they still need a parent, or should I morph into something else? Hoping, praying, my parenting when they were dependent on me was enough to help them be strong enough for their own challenges. Wondering if there is more I can do? 

Entering a new stage in life where I have more time with my spouse. Finding new common interests to share. Not annoying her with the habits I've acquired while working at home. 

Finally, finishing the year/race. Exhausted, yet feeling I did the best I could at that moment, at that time. 

Each race, each year builds upon the previous training/experiences. A race can't be rerun, but you can learn from the training hopefully make the next one better. I can't redo my past years, but I can learn from them, and hopefully make the coming ones better for myself and those I love.