Reflections of a family situation

This is an evening where a glass of bourbon...ok a couple of glasses...have kept me awake. It's an evening is one to think and reflect.

Recently the reflections are of family who live 1000s of miles away. Challenges I never imagined I'd have to address. Thankful for family who have been supportive of difficult decisions. 

Someday I may not have the ability to comprehend my present. Dementia is a cruel disease. No, I'm not talking about myself, but I'm working with a loved one who does. It's so hard to watch this disease slowly transform someone you love. It's so not fair.

Patience is essential. I fail at times. I'm sorry. My priority and my purpose is to see that you are safe and in a healthy environment. To you, it may not seem so. You get angry but later don't remember. I remind myself it's not personal. It's the fucking disease.

I write this as my therapy, not for sympathy or encouragement. We post the joys in our lives but not so much our heartache. 

Be kind. Even to those who have different opinions and to those  who are seeking a better life. Most of us are fortunate in our circumstances, but it only takes a moment, a circumstance we don't control or a disease to change that. We are all God's creatures. Love all of them.

66/51: Does the Streak Continue?

The streak continues...I think...sort of...I guess...

 66/51, living years/running years. I've spent the year wondering if the streak would continue. There were times when I thought "it's time to retire the streak". Enjoy walking, hiking, swimming (is it even possible to enjoy swimming). But saying "I'm done" to something that has been a part of me for 51 years doesn't come easy. 

Those 51 years have been more than miles on a track, road or trail. Those miles have been hard, easy, fun, depressing, refreshing, frustrating, euphoric. Those miles have developed friendships and in this later stage given me the opportunity to give back in a way that has allowed me to get to know world class athletes. 

Chari Hawkins (aka Ice Bath Girl) Heptathlon Silver Medalist, 2024 Olympic Trials

My last continuous run was July 28, 2023, 2.5 miles of discomfort that ended up with ankle surgery in January 2024. This year has been a year of recovery and re-training my body in the bio-mechanics of running. It has been a year of challenging the saying "you can't teach an old dog new tricks." It has been the most frustrating year of training I've done. My longest runs have been 90 seconds at a time during walks of 2-4 miles and those started in August.

So does the streak continue? I'm optimistic these 90 second run breaks will get longer and will transition into running with walk breaks, then to continuous running. Will it be a smooth progress? Not if recent history is an indicator. I keep finding ways to "break" myself. Or rather, my body keeps reminding me that re-learning the simple act of putting one foot in front of the other and quickly repeating, isn't such a simple matter. But even if I only work up to 120 seconds of running breaks, the streak continues, because the streak is not just about the physical act of running. It's also the mental aspect. It's the mindset that no matter where I am physically, I'm training to improve, going faster/longer this week than last. My body and mind feel better due to the effort.

Wisdom and patience are said to be virtues of aging. I sometimes wonder if I've aged enough. I know what is good for my body. It's making my body do it that's difficult. I can be patient because I will never be faster than I was, I will not run farther than before. Patience is putting in the effort knowing results take time. Wisdom is knowing that movement matters for physical, mental and spiritual health.

To be continued...

"That's a long way from Geneva, Indiana"

 

“DJS - LBH. That’s a long way from Geneva, Indiana.” I wear this on my wrist. The initials are those of my Dad and my Uncle Larry. They are the two most influential men in my life.

Dad and Uncle Larry were childhood friends, they grew up in Geneva, Indiana and married sisters. I grew up in Geneva, Indiana. Many of the lessons and values I learned came from them and my growing up in Geneva, Indiana.

They both grew up in that small northeast Indiana community. One stayed and made a difference. The other moved to the Indianapolis area and made a difference. Both were known for being reliable, honest and dedicated to helping others. Both were educators, coaches, church leaders, community leaders, but most of all dedicated to their families.

I learned about friendship from them. I learned you can love another person as you love your siblings. I have been blessed to have that friendship with my college and long-time running buddy.

From their dedication to their families, friends and communities, I learned that my purpose is to be reliable and do what I can to help the people I care about.

I learned from them, that service to others is a higher calling than our society values, but is its own reward. I learned that selflessness is an important part of being a good spouse and dad. I learned that giving has more rewards and stories are the essence of friendship.

I learned that the simple phrase, “That’s a long way from Geneva, Indiana” that my Uncle would say whenever I shared a proud moment of officiating at Hayward Field or other self-proud event, meant more than just a statement. It was congratulatory for an achievement; it was a reminder to be humble because we came from a small Midwest town that was more impressed by the size of your corn or soybean harvest than your personal accomplishments. And finally, it was a reminder that this small town was the foundation of the character and values we each possess.

DJS, 5/95; LBH, 7/24. best friends together again.

 

A Life-long Contract

Parenting is a life-long contract. 

Laying beside your adult child in an uncomfortable hospital recliner, remembering similar bedside "sleep" when she was much younger.

This one is the hardest. It's serious, its scary and I'm are helpless.  No kissing the ouchie to make it feel better, or waiting for the fever to break. 

Doctors, nurses, wires have replaced the snuggled sleepless night of assurance. 

She gets stronger, not by what I can do, but from what others are doing for her. 

Her health is out of my hands. Gratitude, love, helplessness, joy is what I feel as she improves. 

I wish we all hand the same.

Swimming, the necessary discomfort

 Though I swim, I don’t relate to being a swimmer. I do it because it supplements my running without the impact of running. And that is the good of swimming, I don’t hurt while doing it. The first few laps are even pleasant as I feel like I’m gliding through the water. But that is short lived. It soon becomes a grind of sloshing through the water.

Not the Year I Had Planned

Jan.19. Running in 2023 started out well enough, came off a year where I ran 11 races in 12 months and looking forward to working towards mileage and yardage goals for running, biking and swimming, respectively. Mid year things starting going in a different direction. Knee soreness started it, then my right ankle started giving me problems. In about August I woke to a very sore and swollen ankle.

Multiple doc and imaging appointments later diagnosed with a torn peroneal tendon. Same one I had torn in 2014. Due to various circumstances I was finally able to have surgery today. Now it's a recovery lasting well into the Spring before I can extend my years running streak to 66/51.

March 17, 66 years young today. As I stated in January, when I started this entry, this has not been the start I’d planned. The good news is after moving in earlier this year, mom has settled into Swiss Village with few issues and those have been addressed with positive outcomes. 

My ankle is healing nicely, still some tightness and mild soreness, but I’m mobile again, with caution. Track season has started so I’ll be busy officiating for the next couple months. Just added a D2 college conference championship in Grand Junction, CO. Nice!

My other focus is getting back in shape. Swimming and indoor cycling are the main workouts. My ankle isn’t ready for long walks and definitely not ready for running. That is still months away, but my streak will not end this year!